somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize