u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
