just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize