some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
