some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
