Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Im part way to drunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
