Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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