Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
