I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
