Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
