im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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