Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
birth control should be required to get into college
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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