would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
