So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
