yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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