So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
