please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
