I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
