she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
