I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
