I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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