HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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