it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
