i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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