I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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