Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
