I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
