I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
