What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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