so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
