it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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