the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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