actually, I'm a sock model
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
