This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize