You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
