you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
