Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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