people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
