PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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