My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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