Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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