He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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