the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
