3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
