I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
