OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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