i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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