Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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