There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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