I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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