So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
