you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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