I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she smelled like a LAN party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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