Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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