did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
