i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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