My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
