I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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