I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
