Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
