..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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