Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
