so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
