Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
