If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
