they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
