oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
