He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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