Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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