who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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