Porn is love you can see.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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