The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
