so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
