Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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