Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
