I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize