Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
