I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
nutella sex= disaster
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
