At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
