i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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