Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
