Too much gin, very little bucket
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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