She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
