Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
