Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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