Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
