I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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