giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
