Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
