I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
