He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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