were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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