We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize