we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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