I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize