Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
