Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
