is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
