Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
