dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
