ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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