i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
